How I got over the guilt of not Homeschooling my children

I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I wrote a blog, and with school starting back and seeing all the amazing back to school pictures, I just felt a strong urge to sit and write about something that I struggled with for a while and how I got past it.

I really struggled with the guilt that came along with working on my career and not having the option to home school my kids and having to drop off my most prized possessions every day and trust someone else to educate them and keep them safe in my absence; especially in the world we live in today. It really bugged me, especially coming from someone that always wanted to be a teacher from a young age so I had to sit back and really look at the full picture to change my perception.

If I am being honest, even if I didn't have a career that I have been working hard to build for 10+ years, I still don't think I would really want to home school. Nothing against anyone who decides that for their own family, I just don't think it would be the best option for ours. Yet, the guilt still set in. Especially seeing dear friends of mine that have the ability and get to home school their children and seeing and hearing about how they are able to personally cater to their own children's education and be done with school by lunch time and get to take fun field trips that my public school children may not ever have the opportunity to take and make memories that I may not ever be able to make. When that guilt set in, I started to pray and ask God to help me to be creative on feeling like I am still a part of that with my kids, even if I am not there "full-time" to teach them.

I decided from then that I would volunteer at every class party, event or field trip I could and help wherever I can and thank God I am blessed with a job that is flexible enough for me to be able to do these things.

Last school year, Liam started Kindergarten and my husband and I started following through and attending everything we could to
1. ensure Liam knew we were involved and present and
2. to be a blessing to the class

Little did I know, I would get much more out of these moments. As I would volunteer for these things I would get to know the students on a more personal level and they began to get to know who I was and we built cute little friendships. I started to see the ones who were broken, the ones who just craved attention, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the sweet ones and the ones that were full of personality.

That is when my perspective did a 180.

One girl that craved attention would light up when I would compliment her or praise her for something she did.

Another student would always tell me how pretty I was when I got there and we would talk girl talk and I would compliment how beautiful she was...and it almost filled a void I didn't realize I had not having a little girl of my own. It made my heart happy.

There were some that got emotional on those days because their parents weren't able to be there and it broke my heart, but I would try to show those students more attention and make sure they felt just as important.

From that point it hit me that for a select few of Liam's classmates, school is the safest, most loving place they will ever encounter. It may be  the only time they will receive the attention they crave or feel accepted. Some may never get the hugs or snuggles that Liam and Grayson get on a daily basis. They are wearing clothes that don't fit, not being bathed regularly or having 1-1 time with their parents. Fortunately it's not the majority, but it's still too many. They crave the love and attention they lack.

As humans we are all created to want hugs, love and attention. Every time I walked back into Liam's school, even this school year, I saw many of the students I built relationships with last year and they lit up and waved saying "hi Liam's mom" as I walked the halls and took Liam to his class and that is when it was confirmed in my heart I am doing exactly what I need to do for my family.

We do our best to create a home for our kids that is safe, happy, and full of Jesus' love as well as ensuring they feel loved by us. We are far from perfect, but we work towards it daily. So, if I am given an opportunity to share those same types of feelings, no matter how small, into the life of another child that may not get that at home, then it gives me a purpose and takes all the doubts and guilt from my heart.

Having said that, I am sure my kids hear or see things that I wouldn't approve of and they might spend more time away from me than another kid that is home schooled and I can't be there to watch their every move and put together the curriculum I would choose for them; God reminded me that He takes care of all His children, including mine when I am not there, and that if I am doing my part to fill them with the tools and knowledge to live out their lives the way God created them to when I do have them with me, then that is sufficient. And with that, I get the extra opportunities, no matter how small, to take the love and happiness we work towards building in our home to love on children who otherwise may have never crossed our paths. Even through a compliment, smile, hug, high five, or taking a minute to praise them or show them how to do something, I am proud to be a public school mom that is able to play a part as the hands and feet of Jesus and spread the love of God to those that may have never other experienced it otherwise.

Planting seeds is how I see it...and in that...the guilt left my heart for good and I found part of my purpose in my kids school life. :)

When the weight of the world is on your shoulders

I have had a pretty tough week this past week and I wanted to write about it so that is what this blog post is about today...

Last Wednesday, my husband and I were scheduled to leave for Orlando with our two boys to go on our Annual Disney Vacation and have a blast as we usually do. I had so many fun things planned and I think I was more excited than the kids were.

Monday of last week came around and my oldest, Liam,  woke up in the middle of the night with a stomach bug...I immediately started crying to my husband saying how I didn't want anyone else getting sick and how I was so looking forward to our vacation and I didn't want anything to take away from it. He told me I needed to just take a step back and pray and calm down...we were going to go on vacation no matter what...so I spent most of Monday night interceding and praying for Liam as well we the rest of us to stay well and it got me to pray some other things I felt led to pray for.

Tuesday was a normal day...Liam was weak and laid around but we were all good...same thing Wednesday...We headed to Orlando in the late afternoon and got to our hotel and decided to pick up dinner on the way in so we could have an early night in the hotel with movies and relaxing (I was feeling under the weather physically, like a cold was trying to come over me)...so we did just that. About 2am, my youngest, Grayson, woke up with the same stomach bug. I began to intercede again as I drove to the front office of the hotel to get new sheets for his bed. I was up most of the night, thinking and wondering what we were going to do as all of our plans that were paid for already were non-refundable. I woke up Thursday morning feeling like I had the flu along with a stomach bug...I felt terrible and couldn't get out of bed much. Daneil took control and helped out with everything so I could sleep it off. I slept most of the day our first day and felt so much better the next morning. I was able to get all of our Disney plans moved to the next day so we didn't miss anything. Some other plans still fell apart and I felt such an attack on our attempt at a relaxing getaway as a family and I broke down a few times since we don't get very many opportunities to do these things as a family and it was going opposite of how I had planned it to.

We didn't have the vacation we had planned, but we still got away together and got to see my parents so it was still a nice time and we made the best of it and brought memories back with us. :)

We got home late Saturday night and all fell into bed. Daneil had to be up very early Sunday so I didn't get to see him, but once I got up and started getting the boys and myself ready for the first preview service at the Chets North Campus, the attacks began again...at this point I felt so weak, so defeated and I didn't understand why everything was going wrong. Grayson was still dealing with symptoms from the stomach bug so as I walked out the door with them to get to church and help with setup, he had some stomach issues (that I will save you from details) but it ended up making me a lot later than I was needed and the mind games began...Satan started making me feel like I was a burden...that I was no help...and that I had no purpose and just needed to accept it. It was hard to ignore; I will not lie. I felt like everyone got to enjoy and partake on the satisfaction of the success of our first service and I was there to see all the benefits of the hard work put in.... and then I got quiet and I listened to Josh preach and he spoke on Influence...he even said "Ever wonder why everything around you seems to be going wrong? It's likely God placed you right in the middle of darkness to be a light" HOW AWESOME IS THAT? God speaks to us when we least expect it.

It was in that moment that I knew why I had been faced with what I have been faced with the past few days and made me reflect to see if I had responded the way I should have to those unfortunate circumstances. It completely changed my perspective and got me out of the funk I was in and I was in a different mindset where I knew I had purpose and I knew the world wasn't falling apart even if it felt like it. I just knew I needed to dust myself off...get back up and hold my head up high...reminding myself I am the daughter of the one true King and that even in the midst of the misery...He was there...and always would be. If only we could remember that always...

Not really sure the point of this post other than just to share that Christianity isn't always pretty...easy...or fun...and certainly isn't for the weak...but it is worth every moment, knowing that God and all of Heaven backs us up. So in those moments where Satan tries to whisper those lies in your ear that you aren't important, have no purpose and that everything goes wrong with you in your life...remind Him that you are a warrior and with God backing you up, you will conquer anything coming your way and will come out stronger in the end. God always takes care of His people...so in those moments; take heart and know He is Lord. :)

Thy Will be Done

I'm writing today from a very vulnerable place. A place where my heart is aching...where I have questions and not all of the answers to those questions...a place of feeling scared, confused, and unsure of what the future holds. But in this place, I couldn't stop thinking about writing...to get it out, to share my vulnerability and to maybe speak into someone else's life in hopes maybe they will be able to relate and be encouraged by my story.

As some of you may know, Daneil and I are a part of a great team of people that will soon be launching a church on the Northside of Jacksonville. In preparation for that; I've been attending a weekly class through my home church called "Purpose Driven Church" so that we know what a healthy church looks like and we can go into this church launch prepared and with ready hearts so God can begin doing what He wants to do through us.

During the first session, we were asked to go around the table at the end of the class and pray if we felt lead. After a couple of people prayed, I had that feeling where I knew I needed to pray but wasn't sure for what. I know when I feel like that I can't ignore it and although I felt intimidated, I began to pray and let God speak through me. I began to pray for all of the people that were a part of the launch team and to pray against the attacks that I knew would begin happening in the future weeks and months since I know Satan is not happy about the ground that is about to be taken over for God. I just began to pray that when those attacks came along, that we, as the launch team would begin to recognize those things, no matter how small or big, as what they are....attacks and distractions from the bigger picture. Attempts to break down the ones that he knows is about to play a part in building up a mighty team of people in the business of sharing our stories and sharing the truth of how Christ has changed and transformed our lives. I continued on that he would give us strength to endure those attacks as they came and that when they happened we would turn to God for the answers and let Him carry us through the storms.

Little did I know, I would be praying for myself in a big way. A few days ago, a big attack hit me in the way that could have easily broken me...could have easily caused me to give up, to question God and what my purpose is....and to throw away the big future He has for me and my family...

THEN....

I remembered that prayer I prayed a few weeks ago, and I felt a supernatural strength come over me...and I felt God right there with me..holding onto me and reminding me that He was there...He was not leaving me no matter how bad things could or would get. Does that mean I didn't feel the hurt, the pain the heartache or cried the tears I cried and felt weak at times? Absolutely not...but I knew that this was a possibility and I knew that God had me pray that prayer a fews weeks ago for this very moment... so it could be brought back to me these past few days and carry me through it. I have to keep my eye on the prize and not allow the plans of the enemy to try and steal away all that God has for me.

The other morning in my sadness, I decided to do what I do every morning and get up and spend time with God. I opened my devotional and it spoke directly to me and my situation and reminded me of one thing...to keep my PEACE. I was brought to 1 Peter 5:6-7 where it says "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" and in that moment, I knew everything was going to be ok. God was going to bring me out of the fire and I would one day look back on where I am in this moment and see how God's hand was on me all along.

Then, it was confirmed this morning at church. We continued with our series "Transformed" and God just continued to speak to me in my situation and show me where He was with me. Even in worship this morning I began to weep as I felt His love come upon me and overwhelm me and ensure me that He has everything in His hands and I am continually living a life where He redeems me from everything I have gone through and it doesn't stop now.

So do I feel some moments that I can't do it...that I just don't have it in me to continue on in the race...I most definitely do...but I also know I serve a really big God that is bigger than all of my problems and situations and is there for me through it all and if I keep pressing on, He will make me stronger through the hard times and it will all add to my story and help me to shine His goodness through it all.

My prayer today is from one of my favorite songs...Hillary Scott and the Scott Family - Thy Will be Done that I just shared with a friend of mine last week for her situation...but I continue to pray this over my life daily...I included the link for anyone that wants to listen and be blessed.

Until next time, please keep me in your prayers...that God would strengthen my family and I and guard us and keep us and as the song says below that His will be done...

I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Good news you have in store

So, thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord

https://youtu.be/Dp4WC_YZAuw

Running Back to my First Love

Well...it has been a while...3 and a half years to be exact, since I took the time to sit down and write what was on my heart. I've talked about it a few times here and there, but continued to get distracted with life and kept putting it off...but here I am; back and inspired to write again. :)

A LOT has happened in my life since my last blog. There's been lots of good times, lots of bad times, lots of hard times...I've been hurt, I've been happy, I've been sad, I've been betrayed...I've lost some of my closest friends and gained new ones...bought a car and a house and lost my job and got another one... and I've learned a lot.

The past year and a half I would say has probably been the most trying time of my life thus far. I went through a time where I lost myself and who I was in Christ and am actually just recently beginning to find myself again, which I think is a big reason I was inspired to also start writing again. Being a wife, and a mom to 2 boys keeps me busy...and it kept me so busy that I pushed other desires of my own to the side and I don't regret it. I believe there is a right time for everything and I think now that I've found myself in a good "groove" with life, it is a season for me to focus on some of the things I love to do again...so here I am!

There is so much I want to write and want to share that I could write a book right now, but instead I will focus on some of the most recent things that have been on my heart.

Through all that has gone on in my life personally in the past year and a half; I allowed myself to get into a very deep rut and honestly didn't know or feel like I had the strength mentally to pull myself out of it so I just stayed there longer than I should have and in the recent months, I have had such a strong tugging at my heart to stop sulking and feeling sorry for myself and start making the decision to do something about it.

Now, I will be honest that it has been a slow transition and there were a lot of days I was all talk about the changes I wanted to make and didn't put action to it...and I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that the people that hurt me the most were people that loved God and I associated my hurt with that and subconsciously pushed God away because of it....but slowly over time I have stopped fighting what I know needed to be done and let some things and people that were distractions in my life naturally fizzle out to nothing and life has just continued to look up ever since. Not to say there haven't been attacks..because believe me when I say there DEFINITELY has been and I have shed many tears....it has not been easy at all and I have felt very lonely and afraid at times... but I took it as confirmation that I was doing something right and continued pushing forward.

I think the turning point for me was in the very recent weeks...someone very close to me; no names being mentioned because it isn't important; that has struggled with addiction for most of their life, decided to get clean. To watch that transition and to see the beauty of that person that I love enjoying life through a sober mind  really inspired me to get my life back on track again.

The biggest changes I have seen just in the past week for myself. A couple of weeks ago, I bought a Devotional that a lot of people I know have themselves... "Jesus Calling - Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young...to back track a bit; I had caught myself literally waking up and before my feet hit the floor I was grabbing for my phone and looking through Social Media sites to see what was new for the day. I have been wanting to disconnect from being attached to my phone so much so I challenged myself that every morning, instead of reaching for my phone, I was going to grab my devotional and begin my day with Jesus. I had heard people doing similar things over the years and how it changed them and was honestly skeptical that it would do anything for me because of how cliche it sounded...even though I know the power of God when being in His presence; I just kept fighting it...but I have to say; I've stuck to it since that day and literally feel like a new person. The only word I can think to describe it is that for the first time in a really long time I feel "ALIVE" again. I feel like I can breathe and a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. My love for Jesus has began to grow again and it feels amazing.The extreme anxiety I was tormented with on the daily and even prescribed pills for has been fading away...

Just a back story for those that may not know...I've been involved in ministry a lot over the years and always felt like I had a purpose when I was...I haven't been involved in a while due to circumstances that are not important, but it was a terrible feeling to feel "useless" in the spiritual sense.

Last November, through a series of very unfortunate events, God brought our family to Chets Creek church and since day one, God began to fling open doors for Daneil...but I still felt disconnected and wasn't sure through all of it where I would fit and be able to serve and honestly didn't know if I wanted to serve anywhere anymore but was so happy to see Daneil in his element. Then, I was reminded that I was created to serve and God had a place for me at Chets but I just needed to be ready mentally and let Him lead me.

To make a long story short; a few months ago we found out that Chets would be opening a Northside campus and Daneil was approached and asked to pray about becoming the Worship Pastor there, which those of you that know him, know this has been a desire of his for YEARS so it was very exciting. Since then there have been so many confirmations that we are right where we need to be (I'll save all those details for another blog) but we have recently began having Launch Team Meetings and last night at a Leadership Meeting we had, was the first time I felt that excitement in my Spirit again...where God just began stirring things up inside of me and showing me ways he is about to use me in the coming months through this launch and show me that I do have a place and purpose in His church and I feel that purpose again.

I know there will be days I won't "feel" it...and Satan will try to bring me back to the dark place I was in for so long...but I also know that if I continue seeking Him daily, that I will have the necessary tools to not get caught up in the lies and to continue chasing after Him and all He has for my family and I.

So, if you have been in a rut...or in a dark place...or feel sad, lonely, scared, frustrated, hurt...etc....know that you are NOT alone...Jesus is there waiting on you to lay it at His feet and to run after Him with your whole heart...I encourage you to start small...spend 5 minutes a day with Him at the start of every day...and watch your life be forever changed...

FIND YOUR FIRST LOVE AGAIN... YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT...

Don't "fall in love", "grow in love"

With Valentine's Day being everywhere this past week, I had love on my mind a lot and a couple of nights ago, I was laying in bed and started looking at areas in my own life surrounding love. One of the main areas was my marriage. I began to ask myself questions to evaluate where my heart was in my marriage and it inspired me to write about love.

Some of the questions I asked myself is...why is it, that in the beginning of a relationship, every look or glance, every touch, even a simple touch of the arm or hand from that special someone makes your heart flutter, gives you butterflies and gives you the warm and fuzzy feeling...you can't spend enough time together, you look for ways to make the other person feel special and go out of your way to do anything for them...then, through the years, life takes it's toll...we begin to take all of those things for granted and they almost sizzle out. I know this isn't true for every relationship, but when I took a step back, I realized I had become comfortable in some areas of my marriage and I was not happy about it and was ready to do something to get back to that place with the man that was made for me. 

I heard something on the radio this week that really stuck with me. This woman said we should never "fall in love" with our spouse, because then there is an option to "fall out of love". We should "grow in love" so that as we grow together as a couple, we grow more in love with each other. This struck my heart and has really challenged me in my own life!

I know there will be days where things aren't perfect and some good and some bad days...but I also know that I married the man my heart loves, the man that loves me through it all...the good and the bad...the father of my baby boy...and I need to make that marriage a priority. We have had a Launch Conference with Ken Malone this weekend and he spoke to this point as well in the service this morning and it was just such a confirmation of what God has been speaking to my heart over the past few days. Our spouses need to be priority and we don't need to take them for granted. 

So, from this day, I vow to grow in love with my husband each day...to make a point to not take him for granted...to take a step back from life and enjoy every glance, every touch, every kiss, every moment, every memory...even if I feel like I'm too "busy" in those moments...to spend less time fighting each other, and more time fighting together for what God has for us!

I love you Daneil Hinds and I thank you for always loving me, no matter what, and for growing in love with me every day for the rest of our lives :)

Timing...It is everything

I have had a couple of people ask me why I have stopped blogging or why I've been slacking on this blog challenge, so I wanted to let all my followers know my reasoning behind it to clear up any questions or confusion.

When I started this 30 day blog challenge, I had all intentions of continuing with it, but life happened. I absolutely love to write, but this time around I kept hitting a wall when I would try to write and would get so frustrated and felt like it was being portrayed in my writing as well. I had writer's block and didn't understand why, because I really wanted to stick with this challenge. I asked God to reveal to me why I was having trouble writing and he highlighted some areas in my life that had been neglected and didn't need to be and that I was trying to juggle too much at once. When I would get off of work, I would go down my list of things I needed to get done that evening and that didn't include the Wife or Mommy role that needed attention as well, but for about 2 weeks, this was a cycle and I didn't realize that I was putting a lot of things on my plate and was beginning to get overwhelmed. I am the type of person that is an "all or nothing" person. If I can't give my all to blogging, I want to put it on hold for a bit. If I see I am putting things before God, my husband and my baby...I need to take a step back, re-prioritize things in my life and get some organization back in my life...so that is where I am at this time.

Having said that, I am not done blogging forever...just putting it on hold at the moment to focus on some areas in my own life that need attention. Once I take care of myself, my relationship with God and my family, everything else will fall into place and I believe as I am obedient to God in this time by taking a step back, even from things I love, like blogging, that he will help me to get things back in order and give me the wisdom to get back into some of the things I've placed on hold and my writing will become something even better than it has been before.

So, I will take this time to say thank you for all of you that follow my posts...the messages, text messages, phone calls, comments...they all mean the world and make me feel good that I can touch people's hearts and lives through my writing...and this is not the end...it is just the beginning. God is going to birth some new vision and ideas in my heart for this blog...He has already begun to stir things up inside of me and when the time is right, I believe He is going to take this blog to a new level! So get excited with me for the things to come! :)

"I learned that we can do anything, but we can't do everything... at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything."

- Dan Millman

It's the Little Things

Today has overall been a good day...sure I have been exhausted from the lack of sleep and sure there were moments it felt like a "typical Monday", but overall, I woke up alive and well with a beautiful family, a job to go to, clothes on my back and food to eat. I actually had a pretty good day at work...laughed a lot, got a lot done...got to go out with just me, myself and I after work to just enjoy being alone...sat down and had dinner with myself, shopped a little...it was just very therapeutic and refreshing. As I was out I was reminded of all of my blessings and how much I have to be thankful for...so many times we let life fly past us and before we know it, years have gone by and we spent most of it rushing it by...I try to remind myself regularly to stop and notice all of the little blessings in our every day...whether it be the smell of a good meal cooking, the beauty of a sunset, the company of good friends, laughter, love...I could go on...we have so much to be thankful for!

I decided to end off my night with firstly, completing my 7 burpees for today (getting tougher every day but still going strong), then enjoying a nice hot bubble bath while I blog and then hit the hay! Today was exactly what I needed for a little "pick me up" and the perfect jump start to a great week!

Tonight's post will be short because I need to get rest, but I will leave you all with this quote I read today:

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” 
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Live life to it's fullest or it may feel like you died young...

What a Weekend...

I am feeling a little bit like super mom tonight! As you all know if you have been following my posts, I have been dealing with a sick baby and very sick husband ALL weekend but have managed to keep up with everything for the most part! Liam kept us up until 5 this morning screaming non stop...I literally did not get one wink of sleep until he passed out around 5am. Daneil has been running a high fever all weekend and I've been trying to load him up on Vitamins, Tylenol and liquids to bring it down. He has a low grade fever tonight and is all stopped up and has a cough that sounds horrible, but hoping he gets better soon and really hoping Liam decides to let us sleep tonight because God knows we need it! I had to get out at 2am to go buy a humidifier and some meds for Liam...it was by far, the toughest night I have experienced as a mom. This afternoon I took a little nap with Liam and got my second burst of energy...I have been cleaning the house top to bottom, went to the store and stocked up on necessities and came home, made Daneil some Chicken Noodle Soup as well as dinner for myself, washed up dishes and washed our sheets and comforter. I completed my burpees for today and just sat down to write my blog...it has been a long day, but God gave me the strength I needed to get through. Thanks to all my friends and church family for your prayers, encouragement, advice, food and meds...you are all such a blessing to us and we love you!!

Here is a home cooked meal that was made for us earlier today that was MUCH needed:

Then, I had to take a picture of my white cheddar grilled cheese with tomato bisque dinner that I made for myself tonight:

Today I was going to write about what my favorite movie is and why...I have LOTS of favorite movies...all my friends will agree that I am an avid movie watcher and love movies. I have to say that at this time, my all time favorite movie I think would have to be Madea's Witness Protection Program! IT was by far the funniest of all the Madea movies in my opinion and no matter how many times I watch it, I still laugh through the whole thing...it is definitely my top pick when I need a good laugh! :)

Well, needless to say, I am wiped and about to sit down and hopefully find something good to watch...maybe a good movie :) Here's to a good night of rest tonight and a great week ahead! 

Day 4 and 5 of January Blog Challenge

It has been one hectic first week of January for me. Liam got his first head cold that he is still overcoming and now Daneil woke up this morning with a fever and feeling horrible. He has been sleeping all day trying to feel better which has given me the opportunity to spend some much needed 1-1 time with my little prince. Liam and I have had an amazing day together today! I kept the tv off, no distractions, and just played with him. At one point, he was so tired he laid there while I massaged his feet and legs for a good 10 minutes...he didn't move, just laid there an smiled and took it all in, and those of you that know my son, he is never still! It was a sweet moment for me but he passed out on me about an hour ago for his first nap of the day, so I'm taking this time to just relax, have some "me" time and catch up on blogging for yesterday and today! :)

I believe I have written before about "one piece of advice" I would give someone, but for yesterday's post I want to write about some advice that I recently heard that has really stuck with me...it is simply...don't settle. Too many times in life we settle for less than we deserve in many areas of life. It could be as simple as settling for a meal you paid for that was not exactly what you ordered or as serious as settling for a relationship that is not for you. Life is too short to go along day to day and settle. We need to learn to realize what we truly deserve and never compromise on anything less than that. There have been many areas in my life that I have settled over the years. One good thing is that the choice to settle or not to settle is ours. If you get yourself in a situation that has caused you to settle, YOU have the power to choose whether or not to continue in that situation. With the New Year here and still fresh, I have taken the opportunity to highlight areas in my life where I have settled and decide from there what I can do to change that. Some things are harder than others, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! :) I have a few people close to my heart that are going through some tough decisions in areas of their life where they have settled and it takes a strong person to admit when you have settled and change it for the better, but in the end it is worth it. One thing I will add though is before you decide whether or not you are settling, you have to take all emotions from the situation and follow your heart and your peace...and never look back :)

For today I will write about one of my goals for this year and that is to complete the 100 Day Burpee Challenge. Some co-workers of mine told me about it and I thought, why not? Here is a link with more information on it for those of you that have never heard of it:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-pauline-lowry/join-the-100-day-burpee-challenge_b_957825.html

Today is Day 5 of the Challenge and as sad as it sounds, I already feel the burn and have some soreness in my ab area...but that means it works! I'm hoping by Day 100 to be toned and feeling good about my body again! It is definitely not going to be easy to stick to every day but I have a great support system to help encourage me to stay on track! I will keep everyone posted on my results :)

Well, I wanted to write more but I have a husband with a very high fever and a baby that is needing my full attention...until tomorrow...

Mommy Problems and Playing Catch Up

Well, Liam officially caught his first cold of his life and I must say, I never understood when my parents would say they wish they could take our sickness for us, but now that I am a parent, I can definitely relate. He had what I call "sad eyes" all day and it was so hard to see him struggle with his bottle because he couldn't breathe through his nose, and watch him sneeze multiple times, which was kind of funny because every time he would sneeze, his paci would fly across the room....oh, and I can't forget his fake cough...he let me know many times yesterday that he had a cough with his toungue out and everything haha!

On top of the cold, Liam had his 9 month doctor appointment yesterday and he had to get a shot and a heel stick. I guess because he wasn't feeling well, this was by far the worst shot experience for him. He cried and cried...usually it would last about a minute, but not this time...it broke my heart to see the tears flow too because Liam never let's them flow unless it is something serious. But, on a lighter note, other than having a head cold, he is otherwise very healthy! Growing right on track...19 pounds, 28 inches and still has a big head! haha! And even though he was overcoming, he was still all smiles (and I secretly loved the extra cuddles I got from him all day)! This was from his Doctor appointment yesterday:

 

So, that is why I was unable to blog yesterday, and had to play catch up today!

Anyways, on to my topic for today...getting back on the healthy train!

I fall off of that train quite a lot, but the important thing is, I am getting back on! I'm ready to shed some weight so I can get back to my pre pregnancy weight and start working towards making a Liam a big brother in the next several months! Many people ask me why I want to get the weight off now just to gain it back, but I want to start at the weight I started at before Liam so I don't have even more to lose after my next baby! I'm only about 12 pounds off, so if I can lose about a pound a week, which is the healthy way, I can start trying in the next 3 months...AHH...That is not far away and I have a lot of work ahead, but I can do it!! I'm going to cut out any sodas (other than my morning coffee, because I got a Keurig for Christmas and will be using it lol) and cut portions and eat low carbs. I'm also going to start juicing soon and try to exercise at least 2-3 times a week...even if it is just a brisk walk with Liam. I'm starting this 100 Burpee challenge with friends from work so that should be fun too! Looking forward to losing weight, toning and getting healthy! :)

Wish me success on this train and any encouraging words are definitely welcome!

New Year, New Dreams, New Vision...Bring on the New!

I have had a lot of people reaching out to me recently asking me when I was going to blog again and I have a few posts I started but never finished, so I decided to start another Blog Challenge for this month, because for some reason, when I challenge myself to do something, I tend to stick to it more...I don't like to fail, so I guess I just push myself to succeed when there is a challenge involved. I have really missed writing and blogging and sharing my heart so I am definitely excited to get back into it!

2012 was an amazing year in my life...we brought Liam, our precious gift from God into this world, we moved in to a brand new 4 bedroom, beautiful home, finally went on our first honeymoon which was a cruise, paid off some debt and much much more, but I know there is even more in store for 2013 and I can't wait to begin crossing some goals off my list for this year!

I am not following a "set list" for this Blog Challenge, but rather going to choose a topic I feel like writing about and write away.

Today, I want to talk about New Year's Resolutions. Every year for the past 8 years (with the exception of one), we bring in the New Year with our church family and have such a blast! During our New Year's Celebration, we sit down at about 10:30 pm and we being writing out Goals for the year rather than "resolutions". We put down everything from our Spiritual Goals, Personal, Financial, Physical, Social goals to family, Church, Personal and Miscellaneous Goals. We pray over them and then praise our way into the New Year! There is no better way to start out a year! I keep all my goals through the years and go back at the end of the year to see which goals I was able to meet and which I still need to work towards and it is amazing to see how much you can accomplish when you have vision. :)

Our church "Theme" for this year is LAUNCH, and I definitely feel like God is launching some things in my own life and my family's life so we will continue to allow God to speak to our hearts and move us in the direction he wants us.

Although 2012 was a very different year, for me in regards to becoming a mother and trying to cope with that and maintain my marriage, friendships, commitments...the list goes on...it was a difficult year...a "dry" year for me spiritually...I was unable to be involved in ministry like I usually am, unable to hang out all the time and it was needed for this new chapter, but there were many lonely moments...moments I cried out asking God to comfort me, but it was a needed chapter in my life in order for me to embrace the new Jess....the Mommy in me...but not just the mommy but to learn to be the Wife, the Mom, the Friend, the Leader. I still don't have it all down to a science, but I am getting there and have come a long way...it was a year full of tough times but I grew a lot and I learned a lot and I wouldn't change any of it! :)

It's a new day, a new year and there are new things in store for 2013 and I am so excited to continue in this journey called life with Jesus and my family and friends!

I know most of you follow me on Facebook, but for those that don't, I wanted to share a few pictures from the New Year! Thanks for reading and supporting my writing...love you all and Here's to the best year yet for all of us!

You are Worth More

It has been a couple of weeks since I blogged, but today I was inspired to write because my heart is hurting for a friend of mine in a horrible situation and I feel like God wants to say some things through my writing this morning. So, although my friend inspired this and although it involves a certain situation, it doesn't mean it isn't for anyone else's situation. I asked for permission to write about this before I did, so I'm not going to mention names, but I will mention details.

This situation is near and dear to my heart for many personal reasons that I will not share, but I just want to firstly say...when a man puts his hands on a woman, for ANY reason...it is NOT ok!

I will refer to my friend as "Ashley" for writing purposes.

Ashley is a beautiful, sweet girl that fell in love with a man that thinks it is ok to hurt her and put his hands on her. Ashley loves this man with everything she is and has started a family with him. This man has a hot temper and on multiple occasions here recently has punched Ashley in the face, choked her, pushed her around, and left marks on her. This breaks my heart, but it also makes me feel optimistic that WHEN Ashley gets out of this situation and let's God heal her heart and emotions, that she will be a testimony to women out there in similar situations and will one day be able to share her story and bring freedom to other people's lives. I am confident that she will get there one day because what I do know is that Ashley is a strong woman...she will be able to fight this and win...she is a great mother and will make the best decisions not only for her life, but for her kids. :)

I heard a song by 3rd Day for the first time on the way to work this morning and I do not think it was by coincidence. I feel like it speaks directly to the situation. Here's part of the lyrics:

I Need a Miracle

Late one night she started to cry and thought "He ain't coming home"
She was tired of the lies, tired of the fight
But she didn't wanna see him go
She fell on her knees and said
I haven't prayed since I was young
But "Lord above I need a miracle"

(Chorus)
Well no matter who you are
And no matter what you've done
There will come a time
When you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin' "Lord above, I need a miracle"
I need a miracle

Here is what I feel like God wants many of us in tough situations to know and be reminded of...

 

You are not alone...God is with you
He will never leave your side
You are not in to deep and God can bring you out of your situation and circumstance and will carry you through the pain make you stronger for it
Love is not settling for anything less than someone who loves you as much as you love them
The Bible clearly states what love is..."Love is patient, love is kind... It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
If you are in any type of relationship that does not line up with what the Bible lists above, then it is not what God has for you.
He has so much more...you are worth so much more...you are beautiful in His eyes.
You deserve to be loved, cherished, and with someone who will tell you how beautiful you are...how much you mean to them...and they SHOW you with their actions that you are their Queen.
God will turn your morning into dancing, and will heal all of your scars.
The pain you are enduring at this time in your life will not last forever...You will see a brighter day...you just have to stop trying in your own strength and hand it over to God.
A new start is sometimes necessary in life, to get you to a place of true freedom and pure joy.
Nothing is impossible with God...He is holding out His hands, waiting for you to run into His arms and get the strength and wisdom needed to conquer anything thrown your way.
Let go and let God...He will never let you down...


I have been reminded today of where I would be if it wasn't for God intervening in my situation a couple of years ago and not letting me give up on life. I laid in bed with Daneil last night and just said thank you to him....for being the father he is to our son...for loving me through all my faults and treating me like a queen...for never raising his voice to me, calling me names or hurting me. It may sound corny and mushy, but I just had to tell him thank you for who he is. Guys like him are very hard to find these days and I'm so blessed to have found him. So, ladies (and gents) if you have someone in your life that treats you with respect and loves you like there is no tomorrow...don't take it for granted...and take time out of life to just step back and tell them thank you or sorry...those three words can go a long way!

When Two Become One

I know I have really not been blogging as much the days, but boy have I been busy! I will try to post more often! :)

Last night, someone submitted a topic to me for discussion and it is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart...my marriage so I had to write about it :) Here is the submission.

"What do you love about your marriage and what do you love most about being married to the love of your life? Tell those who have never been married yet, but hope to one day and give advice about marriage, the pros and cons. Just tell us about the married life."

Being married has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life, but at the same time, I'll be honest, it can be one the hardest things you will ever work at. But, once you find that one that is worth working at it with, you are set for life!

I'm just going to warn you, this is going to be a LONG post. I am going to share our story from the start and we have 8 years of history, so if you make it to the end, you rock! :)

I met Daneil shortly after I moved to Jacksonville back in 2004 at church. It is so crazy how things happened because before I moved to Jacksonville, I was so far into drugs and alcohol and in straight party mode. Living my life how I wanted to and having no purpose. My dad worked here as a Store Manager and one if his Employees (those of you that remember Kevin, he is the Employee...RIP), invited me to come to his youth group one Friday night. I had no friends in Jax and nothing to do, so I thought, why not? The day came that I was supposed to go and I almost backed out, but my mom said "go, I have a good feeling about this...what have you got to lose"...that was the best advice she gave me, because I went, gave my life to God that night and it was the start of the rest of my life. I still feel like Kevin was an Angel sent by God to save me...he is in Heaven now enjoying his reward and dancing with the Angels, but looking back and watching how God set it all up, still amazes me.

The first time I saw Daneil, he was on a pink kiddie car thing riding around the church...being an immature 17 year old boy...I thought to myself, "wow, what a loser"...but as I continued to hang out with him, we became best friends...and one night, over a bonfire, I found out he was 17 and I was 18 and that was close enough for me! I remember coming home one night from church and laying on my mom's bed with her and my brother and I didn't even know Daneil's name so I called him the "drummer boy" because he plays drums at our church. I told them, and I quote "I don't know what it is about him, but I'm going to marry that drummer boy one day". Little did I know, I was prophesying over my own life! :) We continued hanging out and were pretty much inseparable from that point on and one day as he was telling me about these girls flirting with him, I decided I had to tell him how I felt about him because I was falling for him and the moment I told him he was in shock and said he thought I was way out of his league and would never go for him. We started dating back in December 2004 and he asked me to marry him on his birthday in November 2007 while we were at my parent's house. We got married in June 2008 and we had a small, simple wedding, but it was beautiful!

Now, onto the actual topic...marriage...I won't lie to you, the first two years of our marriage were the hardest. There was a lot of attacks on our marriage and we went through some very hard times that a lot of people hopefully never have to go through in their marriage. In 2010, I was ready to walk away and throw in the towel, but every time I would try, my heart wouldn't let me. Another thing that kept me fighting was the fight I saw in my husband. He told me, "when he said "I do" I meant it" and he was not going to let us fall apart. We made a pact when we first got married that Divorce was not a part of our vocabulary. It took a lot of fight, a lot of forgiving, a lot of tears, a lot of counseling and putting God back as first priority in our marriage, but we came out on top and stronger than we were before. I have shared this at our Ladies meeting and with a few friends, but I got to the point where I had to realize...Daneil is not perfect...but he is MY perfect and I wouldn't want to share my life with anyone else.

Today, we are the parents of a beautiful baby boy and have become closer than ever and formed a bond that no man can separate. God continues to be put first and we work very hard at keeping things fresh and keeping that "chase" going. One piece of advice I would give newlyweds is to never stop the chase. Once you get married, keep yourself up, dress up from time to time just because and want to look nice for your man or woman. Just because you are married doesn't mean you don't have to try anymore...keep him/her wanting more of you! :)

To those of you that have yet to meet your prince charming/your princess or to get married...DON'T SETTLE! God has your Prince/Princess out there and is preparing him/her for you, and if you wait on him/her, you will not have a statistical marriage...you will have a love story that never ends! Don't rush it...you have plenty of time to be married...enjoy where you are now...whatever season that may be...it is just that; a season! Enjoy every piece of the puzzle that God has made for your life. Before you know it, that season will be over and I know it may sound crazy, but you will miss it one day.

Marriage is not a fairy tale...it isn't how they portray it in the movies...sometimes it is hard; really hard...a lot of the time, it is so amazing but when you share it with the one that God created for you, at the end of the day, they are worth every moment...your hard times will make you stronger...your good times will remind you of why you fell in love with them in the first place and if you both put your whole heart into it, you will never be shaken!

I thank God for Daneil every day...He has my heart, always and I am devoted to him and our marriage. What God put together, let NO MAN separate!

I love you, Daneil Hinds, and I thank you for being the man of my dreams, for loving me no matter what and for never giving up the fight for us. You are the strongest man I know and I am honored to call you my Husband! :) I wouldn't want to grow old with anyone else!

Our First KISS after the "I do"

Back in 2010 after one of the hardest times in our marriage

This picture represents SO MUCH today...the ribbon tying are hands together was BLUE...2 years before out little miracle was born! :)

Love this one! :)



Confident Momma

There was a shift in my life this weekend...and it was good! :)

I can't really put my finger on exactly what it was, but something is different. God convicted my heart this weekend on some areas in my life that I have been slacking in and although since I found out I was having Liam, I have been really excited to be a mom and loving him with my whole heart, it wasn't until this weekend that I actually "felt" like a mom to him and a new confidence just swept over me. I want to do this right! I want to raise my son loving God with everything that He is and I have to be that example to Him. Not that I have been doing a horrible job in this area, but I could have been doing better. So, last night we started a new routine. We feed Liam his last solids and a bottle, bathe him, take him to his room with lullaby's playing and either oil him down or lotion him down to relax him. Put him in his pj's, read a book and say a prayer together with Daneil and I. I know it sounds corny, but the whole process was just beautiful. Daneil and I do a really great job teaming up together and because he is such a great dad, I found that I was feeling insecure in my parenting and pulling away, letting him do most of the work instead of recognizing my weaknesses and working on them. So, this weekend I tried being more hands on and doing things myself and it worked well.

Then, last night, as we worked together to bathe him, I got him all ready for bed and then we all 3 sat together and had story time and said a bedtime prayer and Liam was so relaxed. He only slept in his crib for about 45 minutes before waking up screaming twice in a 15 minute time span, so we decided to bring him in our room in his pack-n-play and he slept the rest of the evening and was still snoozing this morning when I left. We will keep trying and we will get there!

This new found confidence of being a momma is great and I just finally feel like it is all sinking in for me. I am Liam's mother and there is no one that could be a mother to him better than I can because God gave him to me and entrusted his life with me, so it is my job to be the best I can be and raise him up in the ways of God. I know there will be times I fail and will be times that I don't feel so confident, but God gave me a scripture to lean on in those moments as I was laying in bed last night thanking Him for all I have in my life and when the enemy tries to come in and tell me different, I can remind him...It is written! :)

This brings me to one of the topics submitted that I wanted to write about today. Humility in hard times!

In my situation, I basically had to get over myself and stop feeling sorry for myself because I felt like I was "failing" at the whole motherhood thing! It was time to humble myself.

Humbling yourself, to me, means that you are willing to put others ahead of yourself. Not building your self up...especially at the expense of others and being willing to do things for people without expecting anything in return.

I had to come to a place where I acknowledged my weaknesses as a mother as well as my strengths and stop dwelling on only the weaknesses. Once I began to look at the things I'm really good at as a mom, the confidence just began to grow and still is. I read this quote recently and it really touched my heart. "True humility, is having an accurate perception of your weaknesses and your strengths, and keeping both in perspective."

Another way to look at this is Without God we can do nothing and with Him, anything is possible. If we are not trying to do things in our own strength and we leave it in God's hands and follow his leading, we are humbling ourselves, or having humility.

For example, if you are dealing with have a bad attitude towards God, or family or friends for that matter...you have to humble yourself and recognize that you do have weaknesses and hand those weaknesses over to God so that He can turn them into strengths and give you the wisdom to get through that situation. Anytime we humble ourselves before God, He will not fail us...we just have to be willing to let Him do His work in us.

Back to my story...I felt like I was not doing a good job parenting and I humbled myself before God, cried out to Him and laid it at His feet. He has given me new ways and ideas to bond with Liam and continue to feel more confident as a mom. I am so excited and refreshed about what He is going to do with me in this area and by the grace of God, I will continue to live in humility so that I am always allowing Christ to strengthen me and transform me into who He has called me to be. The choice is ours to be arrogant and stagnant or humble ourselves and flourish! :)

Fall Cleaning

So, I'm back to the daily grind after a few days out in the country with family. I wasn't able to blog because when I say my parents live in the middle of no where, I mean we maybe saw 6 people (other than family) within a 10 mile radius of their house the 4 days we were there! The closest gas station was 8 miles away and grocery store was 15 miles away. Needless to say, Internet was very scarce so I wasn't able to get on to write.

We had a great time! Got to break in Daneil's new gun and shoot some other guns my parents have, and I actually really enjoyed shooting! Daneil is already having me get my concealed weapons permit, but I have never really been a fan of guns until I played with some this weekend! Now, I am looking forward to learning more about them. I got to see both of my brothers and my sister and nieces on Saturday, which was lovely to be all together and laugh and catch up again! Daneil and I went on a lot of adventures around my parent's house looking for deer, wild boar, bob cats, bears...we pretty much wanted to see anything...we heard lots of scary noises that ran us back inside, but never saw anything other than some fresh prints in the dirt road. My parents took us to Lake McCormick and some other Lake (I forgot the name) and we took Liam with us to see and it was beautiful! Ate a lot of good food and had fried okra twice! My mom makes the BEST homemade fried okra and that is my all time favorite food! They live in a beautiful brand new house with so much space and it made me that much more excited to get in a bigger place in a couple of months...I am so over being crammed in our little apartment!

We came home yesterday and of course the weekend went by way too fast. As soon as we got home last night, I unpacked and got things ready to come back to work today and was in bed early, which was good since we were up a lot last night with Liam. Our apartment is so unorganized and it is really bothering me so tonight while Daneil and Liam are at church, I'm taking some time to myself to organize some things. I am feeling very overwhelmed and our lease is up in November, so we have got to get organized before then so we can move and have a clean start. I am going to go through and get rid of Liam's newborn clothes (well, not get rid of them, but put them away and pull out all his big boy clothes) and go through my closet to get rid of stuff I no longer need or wear. Then, I have to tackle the 4 or 5 loads of clean clothes that have been sitting in Liam's room for a while (don't judge, I have been busy lol) and get them put away once and for all. So, yea...feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that needs to be done and just needing some time to myself, alone, to get in the zone and get it done and then maybe get in a cat nap (not likely, but a girl can dream)...so, tonight is the night!

I have been slacking on eating healthy and exercising with all the traveling we have been doing, but we are done with that for a while...so on Payday Friday we will be stocking up on healthy foods for the house and Monday I am starting Insanity again and going to do my best to stick to it for 60 days! Thank God that even with my slacking I lost a pound, so here's to hoping it will continue in that direction in the next few weeks and months!

I'm out of vacation mode and onto organization mode! When I feel like my house is messy, I feel like my whole world is messy and it makes me so stressed, and I'm too blessed to be stressed! I can't really get it to my standards of organized because it is so small where we live, but I just keep reminding myself in 2 months we will be in a bigger place, with room to put things away so my life doesn't feel so cluttered all the time so now is the time to prepare!

Liam is still waking up a lot at night so the broken sleep is really catching up to me and I am feeling exhausted! We are transitioning to his crib tonight and trying a new bedtime routine, so wish us luck that we will get some more sleep and uninterrupted sleep at that! We both need it since we feel like zombies these days!

I'm not going to write about any specific topic today because I think I've said enough with my venting on being overwhelmed, tired and ready to get things back on track in all areas of our life! I am motivated and Daneil is on board with me so together we will get there! Tomorrow I will write about a topic that was submitted...until then, keep them coming and happy reading! :)

Balance

Life has been crazy busy the past few days so I have been a slacker! Ever since Liam stayed with his grandparents last weekend, he will not sleep through the night. He will barely stay in his pack and play and only sleeps if he is in bed with us. We were going to transition him to his crib 2 nights ago, but we couldn't get the baby monitor working right, so yea...that makes for two tired parents! lol We will have to buy a new monitor soon so we can get him transitioned ASAP because I do not want a baby in the bed with us! lol

Today after work, we are leaving to go visit my parents and I couldn't be more excited. They haven't seen Liam since he was about 3 weeks old, so I can't wait for them to see how much he has grown and see his little personality. Plus, my brother who was in jail over a year, just got out and it will be his first time meeting Liam and the first time all of us siblings have been together in years! My parents live in the country in FL about an hour from PCB so we will be doing the country living thing and riding 4 wheelers, going shooting, eating some good southern cooking,  fishing and just hanging out. We may go to PCB to the beach one day...but we will see! I took Monday and Tuesday off so it will be a nice long weekend and I am so looking forward to being with my crazy family and relaxing! I will try to blog while I am away, but my laptop at home is down at the moment, so if I can get to a computer, I will make it happen :)

I had a couple of people submit a similar topic to me on balance, so I wanted to write about that today. Here was one of the submissions:

"What is it like balancing work, motherhood, wifehood (this was her made  up word and I love it... lol) while spending intimate time with God and tips on how to balance life?"

I am honestly still trying to learn the whole balance thing. Especially being a new mom and still trying to keep up with my husband, work, my house, church, friends, etc...it is tough! I feel overwhelmed sometimes and like there are not enough hours in the day. I have had to sit back and re-prioritize a lot of things in my life. Do I miss hanging with my friends every chance I get? I definitely do...do I miss having a clean house? More than anything, but I married Daneil so I had to give up on that a while ago haha! Do I miss date nights more than once in a blue moon? Very much so...but I am only one person and I can't clone myself unfortunately, so I do what I can in each area. Someone at work recently told me, "you do not need to define yourself as a "mom" but as a child of the King." Great advice! That is my first priority. My husband is my next priority and keeping the spice up in our marriage...it is definitely not easy sometimes with a baby, but we make it work and actually do a really good job at keeping things fresh...after 8 years together that man still gives me butterflies. Liam is a huge priority in my life and it is my job to protect him, provide for him and be the best mom I can be to him. If that means missing out on fun times sometimes, then, so be it...it's all a part of the job and he is worth it. :)

It has been really difficult to get used to this new role, especially when I don't have many people close to me that can relate, but God has really given me the wisdom I needed to re-prioritize....learn that I don't have to excuse myself, feel bad, or apologize for being a mom. It is what I am now and life has to change. People around have to adapt to the new Jess...and those that are worth it, will still be there!

Changing my perspective and way of thinking has really helped me along the way. Like I said, I am definitely still working on this all, but I am taking the steps, trusting God and getting better at it every day! :)

Hardest Thing to do as a Leader

Well, I have missed blogging the past few days, but really enjoyed my time away with my family and friends!


Savannah was amazing and we had a really good time :) The food was out of this world and the history behind it was just so cool to learn about!! It was really hot and we got a little dehydrated, but it was definitely a fun time! I will definitely be going again some day! Liam will love it when he gets older! Here are a few of the pictures:


This was downtown Savannah...it was breathtaking!                                                                                                                                                                                  

This was before we went out to dinner Saturday:



 This was a view of where we parked....loved it! :)


This was a view of the candy shop we went to...they were making fresh taffy! :)




Today I'm answering one of the questions that was submitted to me:What was the hardest thing you had to do when becoming a leader?

When I was becoming a leader in the youth group, the hardest thing for me would have to be feeling like you have to be perfect for the world. I know, we aren't supposed to put on a mask or be something we aren't, but when you are a a leader, there are times you may be going through something in life and you have to put it on the shelf and walk through the doors and continue to give out even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. You have to be there for those people that look up to you and  encourage them in their times of weakness. It is hard sometimes to do that, especially if you are going through your own things, but God gives you the strength to get through it all and it makes you stronger in the end and usually speaks to you about your own life even as you encourage and minister to others. 

I had to come to a place in my life where it wasn't about the title of a "leader"...it wasn't about having it all together and being "perfect"....it was about living a life as God would call a leader to live, whether the title was there or not and being who you are in His presence. Laying it all at His feet and staying faithful! I have come such a long way from my first days as a leader and I wouldn't take any of it back...It made me who I am today and I am honored to have anyone want to follow the life I live... I do my best to live a life that others can follow.

Final Day of the Blog Challenge

I'm going to share my heart this morning. Last night was a tough "mommy" night for me. Because I work full time and Daneil stays home with Liam, I already deal with feeling like I don't get enough time with Liam...but last night, was a really tough one for me. When we got home from church and gave Liam his last bottle, I tried to put him to sleep...he fought it and fought it and whined and cried for a while. Daneil came over, took him from me and he was immediately calm in his arms and fell asleep. This broke my heart and made me feel like I was failing at the whole mom thing. I talked to my "April Momma's"  about it and they made me feel so much better (thank you ladies so much)...I am so grateful for a husband that takes such good care of my son and for a job that provides an amazing income for someone my age...especially someone without a college degree...but, I long to know the little "secrets" of Liam. Most women would pay to have a husband that was so in tune with their child, and I am in no way complaining for what I have...I just sometimes wish I had that bond too. I know I have a different bond and I will learn to embrace that over time, but I think it has just been tough for me to see where, because I'm working 40+ hours a week, and Daneil spends most of his days with Liam...he is going to know some of the little quirks about Liam that I may not know. I have to remind myself it doesn't make me any less of a mom, or a failure to Liam...but that I am providing for my family and doing the best I can to be the best mom I can be to Liam. So, yea...it is tough to keep my head up in that situation...but I know this is what God has for us in this Season so I need to embrace it. Just needed to write it out so I wasn't bottling it up anymore...feels so much better to get it out! :)

We took Liam for his 4 month check up yesterday. He got two shots, which he took like a champ...cried for about 30 seconds and was all smiles the rest of the day. He is perfectly healthy and right on target with his weight and height. He is actually in the 81st percentile with his height and finally up to 36th percentile with his weight. He started at 2% when he was born. For those of you that don't understand the percentiles (because I didn't before I had a kid) ...that means he is taller than 81% of babies his age and weighs more than 36% of babies his age. The pediatrician said, whatever we are doing, to keep it up because we are doing it right. His growth is soaring and looking great. So those of you that think I starve Liam...yea, he is getting plenty! :) We start him on solids today and will do rice cereal for breakfast every day for 5 days, then introduce something like bananas for lunch for 5 days, then add in something like sweet potatoes for dinner. So in 10 days he will be eating solids 3 times a day and getting his bottle...he is about to pack on the weight even more! :)

Day 30 - Yup, that is right! This is the final day of my 30 day blog challenge! I did it! I missed 2 days the whole time (which were Saturdays) but other than that, I did it and so enjoyed every moment of it. I have gotten into the habit of blogging now and learned that it really helps me write out my thoughts, feelings and get a lot out. Plus, it is awesome to be able to look back and see what I wrote and remind myself of different things in life. I want to continue writing about how it is to be a full time working mom with a stay at home dad...writing about Liam and his growth and all of his milestones big and small...expressing my thoughts and opinions on things in life and just being real. I will continue to blog. It may not be a daily thing, but I will definitely be blogging a few times a week.

On to blog post for today...what is your morning routine? I will just write about my weekday morning routine since I have already written a story book. During the week, I wake up around 6:40 to get ready for work. I brush my teeth, shower, dry my hair, straighten it, put on my makeup and get dressed. I try to grab a cup of coffee before I leave, but sometimes I forget or there is no coffee made so I just get it at work. Just before I leave the house I kiss Daneil and Liam goodbye and I usually caress Liam's face for a moment and whisper to him that I love him as he sleeps. Then, I head to work. I get here at 7:45 and open up everything and get ready for the work day...then, I blog...and that is pretty much it before I start working! :)

Starting next week Tuesday, I will begin to blog about the ideas/questions/topics that some of my readers submitted to me. I will answer them one by one, in no particular order...and may combine some if I feel like it works better. I so appreciate all of you who have followed me the past 30 days in this new project, supported me and my writing and encouraged me with texts, messages and FB wall posts...they all meant so much to my heart and have inspired me to continue...so thank you! I hope many of you continue reading and following my blog! This could be the beginning of something new for me. Some changes to the blog will be coming soon...be on the look out! :)

Signing off until next week!

Famous for what?

It feels like my calf muscles are tearing every time I stand up to walk! I've had to wobble around almost like a pregnant woman to bear through the sore muscles...it must be working! ha!

Last night was a little different for us. Usually, after Liam's last bottle (anywhere between 9-11) he falls asleep and sleeps through the night. Well, last night his last bottle was at 9ish and he was asleep by around 9:45-10:00. Daneil put him down in his pack-n-play and we hung out and watched some tv a little longer. Then at about 10:45 Daneil jumped up off the couch and ran to the room. Right as he jumped up I heard Liam crying (Daneil has "mommy" ears now). We decided to shut everything down and bring Liam to bed and try to get him back to sleep. It took a while, but he fell back asleep and then at about 5 this morning he woke back up again. Daneil, being the amazing father and husband he is, let me sleep and got up to try and pat him back to sleep which usually works on a normal night. Well, it wasn't working this time, so Daneil brought him back in bed with us to try getting him back to sleep and he eventually did.

I know we have like the easiest baby in town, that loves his sleep, so I am not complaining, but because he is usually so great, when we have nights of broken sleep like that, I feel so exhausted the next day. I'm sure all the momma's with non sleeping babies want to punch me right now, but seriously...this morning was by far the toughest in a while for me to get up out of bad. I even kept my eyes closed as I made my way to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I took a cool shower to try and wake me up and it helped, but coffee is definitely next on my list to get in my system this morning.

I've got a lot to do tonight...we have to take little Liam to his 4 month appointment after I leave work today to get his shots :( and from there we head to church and when I get home I have to do laundry and start packing for the weekend because we leave right after work on Friday and have some long overdue dinner plans tomorrow night! So, no time for being tired! :)

Day 29 - If I could be famous for one thing, what would it be and why?

That is a good one. When I first thought of this question, I thought to myself, if I could be famous for one thing, I think I would want it to be for helping and loving others. Kind of like the same way Mother Theresa was famous. When I was younger, I used to wish that I could be famous for something like singing or acting...but I wouldn't like to not be able to lead a normal life like going to the store or the park and having paparazzi follow me every where. That would just be annoying!

Anyways, after some thought, I changed my mind about what I would want to be famous for. It would be nice to be famous for something like Mother Theresa was famous for, but if we are talking personal passions, I would have loved to be a famous dancer. Like a back up dancer, or a dancer in movies like Step Up. I wish I would have stuck with dancing when I was younger and pursued it more because I think I would have really enjoyed it. I may not have become famous from it, but if I could be famous for one thing, it would have to be dance. :) Most famous dancers make really good money, but don't lead a life where people follow them and are all in their business. So I would be able to get paid to do what I love to do and make lots of money doing it, without the annoyance of being in the limelight. Yup, that would be awesome!