Running Back to my First Love

Well...it has been a while...3 and a half years to be exact, since I took the time to sit down and write what was on my heart. I've talked about it a few times here and there, but continued to get distracted with life and kept putting it off...but here I am; back and inspired to write again. :)

A LOT has happened in my life since my last blog. There's been lots of good times, lots of bad times, lots of hard times...I've been hurt, I've been happy, I've been sad, I've been betrayed...I've lost some of my closest friends and gained new ones...bought a car and a house and lost my job and got another one... and I've learned a lot.

The past year and a half I would say has probably been the most trying time of my life thus far. I went through a time where I lost myself and who I was in Christ and am actually just recently beginning to find myself again, which I think is a big reason I was inspired to also start writing again. Being a wife, and a mom to 2 boys keeps me busy...and it kept me so busy that I pushed other desires of my own to the side and I don't regret it. I believe there is a right time for everything and I think now that I've found myself in a good "groove" with life, it is a season for me to focus on some of the things I love to do again...so here I am!

There is so much I want to write and want to share that I could write a book right now, but instead I will focus on some of the most recent things that have been on my heart.

Through all that has gone on in my life personally in the past year and a half; I allowed myself to get into a very deep rut and honestly didn't know or feel like I had the strength mentally to pull myself out of it so I just stayed there longer than I should have and in the recent months, I have had such a strong tugging at my heart to stop sulking and feeling sorry for myself and start making the decision to do something about it.

Now, I will be honest that it has been a slow transition and there were a lot of days I was all talk about the changes I wanted to make and didn't put action to it...and I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that the people that hurt me the most were people that loved God and I associated my hurt with that and subconsciously pushed God away because of it....but slowly over time I have stopped fighting what I know needed to be done and let some things and people that were distractions in my life naturally fizzle out to nothing and life has just continued to look up ever since. Not to say there haven't been attacks..because believe me when I say there DEFINITELY has been and I have shed many tears....it has not been easy at all and I have felt very lonely and afraid at times... but I took it as confirmation that I was doing something right and continued pushing forward.

I think the turning point for me was in the very recent weeks...someone very close to me; no names being mentioned because it isn't important; that has struggled with addiction for most of their life, decided to get clean. To watch that transition and to see the beauty of that person that I love enjoying life through a sober mind  really inspired me to get my life back on track again.

The biggest changes I have seen just in the past week for myself. A couple of weeks ago, I bought a Devotional that a lot of people I know have themselves... "Jesus Calling - Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young...to back track a bit; I had caught myself literally waking up and before my feet hit the floor I was grabbing for my phone and looking through Social Media sites to see what was new for the day. I have been wanting to disconnect from being attached to my phone so much so I challenged myself that every morning, instead of reaching for my phone, I was going to grab my devotional and begin my day with Jesus. I had heard people doing similar things over the years and how it changed them and was honestly skeptical that it would do anything for me because of how cliche it sounded...even though I know the power of God when being in His presence; I just kept fighting it...but I have to say; I've stuck to it since that day and literally feel like a new person. The only word I can think to describe it is that for the first time in a really long time I feel "ALIVE" again. I feel like I can breathe and a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. My love for Jesus has began to grow again and it feels amazing.The extreme anxiety I was tormented with on the daily and even prescribed pills for has been fading away...

Just a back story for those that may not know...I've been involved in ministry a lot over the years and always felt like I had a purpose when I was...I haven't been involved in a while due to circumstances that are not important, but it was a terrible feeling to feel "useless" in the spiritual sense.

Last November, through a series of very unfortunate events, God brought our family to Chets Creek church and since day one, God began to fling open doors for Daneil...but I still felt disconnected and wasn't sure through all of it where I would fit and be able to serve and honestly didn't know if I wanted to serve anywhere anymore but was so happy to see Daneil in his element. Then, I was reminded that I was created to serve and God had a place for me at Chets but I just needed to be ready mentally and let Him lead me.

To make a long story short; a few months ago we found out that Chets would be opening a Northside campus and Daneil was approached and asked to pray about becoming the Worship Pastor there, which those of you that know him, know this has been a desire of his for YEARS so it was very exciting. Since then there have been so many confirmations that we are right where we need to be (I'll save all those details for another blog) but we have recently began having Launch Team Meetings and last night at a Leadership Meeting we had, was the first time I felt that excitement in my Spirit again...where God just began stirring things up inside of me and showing me ways he is about to use me in the coming months through this launch and show me that I do have a place and purpose in His church and I feel that purpose again.

I know there will be days I won't "feel" it...and Satan will try to bring me back to the dark place I was in for so long...but I also know that if I continue seeking Him daily, that I will have the necessary tools to not get caught up in the lies and to continue chasing after Him and all He has for my family and I.

So, if you have been in a rut...or in a dark place...or feel sad, lonely, scared, frustrated, hurt...etc....know that you are NOT alone...Jesus is there waiting on you to lay it at His feet and to run after Him with your whole heart...I encourage you to start small...spend 5 minutes a day with Him at the start of every day...and watch your life be forever changed...

FIND YOUR FIRST LOVE AGAIN... YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT...

Don't "fall in love", "grow in love"

With Valentine's Day being everywhere this past week, I had love on my mind a lot and a couple of nights ago, I was laying in bed and started looking at areas in my own life surrounding love. One of the main areas was my marriage. I began to ask myself questions to evaluate where my heart was in my marriage and it inspired me to write about love.

Some of the questions I asked myself is...why is it, that in the beginning of a relationship, every look or glance, every touch, even a simple touch of the arm or hand from that special someone makes your heart flutter, gives you butterflies and gives you the warm and fuzzy feeling...you can't spend enough time together, you look for ways to make the other person feel special and go out of your way to do anything for them...then, through the years, life takes it's toll...we begin to take all of those things for granted and they almost sizzle out. I know this isn't true for every relationship, but when I took a step back, I realized I had become comfortable in some areas of my marriage and I was not happy about it and was ready to do something to get back to that place with the man that was made for me. 

I heard something on the radio this week that really stuck with me. This woman said we should never "fall in love" with our spouse, because then there is an option to "fall out of love". We should "grow in love" so that as we grow together as a couple, we grow more in love with each other. This struck my heart and has really challenged me in my own life!

I know there will be days where things aren't perfect and some good and some bad days...but I also know that I married the man my heart loves, the man that loves me through it all...the good and the bad...the father of my baby boy...and I need to make that marriage a priority. We have had a Launch Conference with Ken Malone this weekend and he spoke to this point as well in the service this morning and it was just such a confirmation of what God has been speaking to my heart over the past few days. Our spouses need to be priority and we don't need to take them for granted. 

So, from this day, I vow to grow in love with my husband each day...to make a point to not take him for granted...to take a step back from life and enjoy every glance, every touch, every kiss, every moment, every memory...even if I feel like I'm too "busy" in those moments...to spend less time fighting each other, and more time fighting together for what God has for us!

I love you Daneil Hinds and I thank you for always loving me, no matter what, and for growing in love with me every day for the rest of our lives :)

Timing...It is everything

I have had a couple of people ask me why I have stopped blogging or why I've been slacking on this blog challenge, so I wanted to let all my followers know my reasoning behind it to clear up any questions or confusion.

When I started this 30 day blog challenge, I had all intentions of continuing with it, but life happened. I absolutely love to write, but this time around I kept hitting a wall when I would try to write and would get so frustrated and felt like it was being portrayed in my writing as well. I had writer's block and didn't understand why, because I really wanted to stick with this challenge. I asked God to reveal to me why I was having trouble writing and he highlighted some areas in my life that had been neglected and didn't need to be and that I was trying to juggle too much at once. When I would get off of work, I would go down my list of things I needed to get done that evening and that didn't include the Wife or Mommy role that needed attention as well, but for about 2 weeks, this was a cycle and I didn't realize that I was putting a lot of things on my plate and was beginning to get overwhelmed. I am the type of person that is an "all or nothing" person. If I can't give my all to blogging, I want to put it on hold for a bit. If I see I am putting things before God, my husband and my baby...I need to take a step back, re-prioritize things in my life and get some organization back in my life...so that is where I am at this time.

Having said that, I am not done blogging forever...just putting it on hold at the moment to focus on some areas in my own life that need attention. Once I take care of myself, my relationship with God and my family, everything else will fall into place and I believe as I am obedient to God in this time by taking a step back, even from things I love, like blogging, that he will help me to get things back in order and give me the wisdom to get back into some of the things I've placed on hold and my writing will become something even better than it has been before.

So, I will take this time to say thank you for all of you that follow my posts...the messages, text messages, phone calls, comments...they all mean the world and make me feel good that I can touch people's hearts and lives through my writing...and this is not the end...it is just the beginning. God is going to birth some new vision and ideas in my heart for this blog...He has already begun to stir things up inside of me and when the time is right, I believe He is going to take this blog to a new level! So get excited with me for the things to come! :)

"I learned that we can do anything, but we can't do everything... at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything."

- Dan Millman

It's the Little Things

Today has overall been a good day...sure I have been exhausted from the lack of sleep and sure there were moments it felt like a "typical Monday", but overall, I woke up alive and well with a beautiful family, a job to go to, clothes on my back and food to eat. I actually had a pretty good day at work...laughed a lot, got a lot done...got to go out with just me, myself and I after work to just enjoy being alone...sat down and had dinner with myself, shopped a little...it was just very therapeutic and refreshing. As I was out I was reminded of all of my blessings and how much I have to be thankful for...so many times we let life fly past us and before we know it, years have gone by and we spent most of it rushing it by...I try to remind myself regularly to stop and notice all of the little blessings in our every day...whether it be the smell of a good meal cooking, the beauty of a sunset, the company of good friends, laughter, love...I could go on...we have so much to be thankful for!

I decided to end off my night with firstly, completing my 7 burpees for today (getting tougher every day but still going strong), then enjoying a nice hot bubble bath while I blog and then hit the hay! Today was exactly what I needed for a little "pick me up" and the perfect jump start to a great week!

Tonight's post will be short because I need to get rest, but I will leave you all with this quote I read today:

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” 
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Live life to it's fullest or it may feel like you died young...

What a Weekend...

I am feeling a little bit like super mom tonight! As you all know if you have been following my posts, I have been dealing with a sick baby and very sick husband ALL weekend but have managed to keep up with everything for the most part! Liam kept us up until 5 this morning screaming non stop...I literally did not get one wink of sleep until he passed out around 5am. Daneil has been running a high fever all weekend and I've been trying to load him up on Vitamins, Tylenol and liquids to bring it down. He has a low grade fever tonight and is all stopped up and has a cough that sounds horrible, but hoping he gets better soon and really hoping Liam decides to let us sleep tonight because God knows we need it! I had to get out at 2am to go buy a humidifier and some meds for Liam...it was by far, the toughest night I have experienced as a mom. This afternoon I took a little nap with Liam and got my second burst of energy...I have been cleaning the house top to bottom, went to the store and stocked up on necessities and came home, made Daneil some Chicken Noodle Soup as well as dinner for myself, washed up dishes and washed our sheets and comforter. I completed my burpees for today and just sat down to write my blog...it has been a long day, but God gave me the strength I needed to get through. Thanks to all my friends and church family for your prayers, encouragement, advice, food and meds...you are all such a blessing to us and we love you!!

Here is a home cooked meal that was made for us earlier today that was MUCH needed:

Then, I had to take a picture of my white cheddar grilled cheese with tomato bisque dinner that I made for myself tonight:

Today I was going to write about what my favorite movie is and why...I have LOTS of favorite movies...all my friends will agree that I am an avid movie watcher and love movies. I have to say that at this time, my all time favorite movie I think would have to be Madea's Witness Protection Program! IT was by far the funniest of all the Madea movies in my opinion and no matter how many times I watch it, I still laugh through the whole thing...it is definitely my top pick when I need a good laugh! :)

Well, needless to say, I am wiped and about to sit down and hopefully find something good to watch...maybe a good movie :) Here's to a good night of rest tonight and a great week ahead! 

Day 4 and 5 of January Blog Challenge

It has been one hectic first week of January for me. Liam got his first head cold that he is still overcoming and now Daneil woke up this morning with a fever and feeling horrible. He has been sleeping all day trying to feel better which has given me the opportunity to spend some much needed 1-1 time with my little prince. Liam and I have had an amazing day together today! I kept the tv off, no distractions, and just played with him. At one point, he was so tired he laid there while I massaged his feet and legs for a good 10 minutes...he didn't move, just laid there an smiled and took it all in, and those of you that know my son, he is never still! It was a sweet moment for me but he passed out on me about an hour ago for his first nap of the day, so I'm taking this time to just relax, have some "me" time and catch up on blogging for yesterday and today! :)

I believe I have written before about "one piece of advice" I would give someone, but for yesterday's post I want to write about some advice that I recently heard that has really stuck with me...it is simply...don't settle. Too many times in life we settle for less than we deserve in many areas of life. It could be as simple as settling for a meal you paid for that was not exactly what you ordered or as serious as settling for a relationship that is not for you. Life is too short to go along day to day and settle. We need to learn to realize what we truly deserve and never compromise on anything less than that. There have been many areas in my life that I have settled over the years. One good thing is that the choice to settle or not to settle is ours. If you get yourself in a situation that has caused you to settle, YOU have the power to choose whether or not to continue in that situation. With the New Year here and still fresh, I have taken the opportunity to highlight areas in my life where I have settled and decide from there what I can do to change that. Some things are harder than others, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! :) I have a few people close to my heart that are going through some tough decisions in areas of their life where they have settled and it takes a strong person to admit when you have settled and change it for the better, but in the end it is worth it. One thing I will add though is before you decide whether or not you are settling, you have to take all emotions from the situation and follow your heart and your peace...and never look back :)

For today I will write about one of my goals for this year and that is to complete the 100 Day Burpee Challenge. Some co-workers of mine told me about it and I thought, why not? Here is a link with more information on it for those of you that have never heard of it:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-pauline-lowry/join-the-100-day-burpee-challenge_b_957825.html

Today is Day 5 of the Challenge and as sad as it sounds, I already feel the burn and have some soreness in my ab area...but that means it works! I'm hoping by Day 100 to be toned and feeling good about my body again! It is definitely not going to be easy to stick to every day but I have a great support system to help encourage me to stay on track! I will keep everyone posted on my results :)

Well, I wanted to write more but I have a husband with a very high fever and a baby that is needing my full attention...until tomorrow...

Mommy Problems and Playing Catch Up

Well, Liam officially caught his first cold of his life and I must say, I never understood when my parents would say they wish they could take our sickness for us, but now that I am a parent, I can definitely relate. He had what I call "sad eyes" all day and it was so hard to see him struggle with his bottle because he couldn't breathe through his nose, and watch him sneeze multiple times, which was kind of funny because every time he would sneeze, his paci would fly across the room....oh, and I can't forget his fake cough...he let me know many times yesterday that he had a cough with his toungue out and everything haha!

On top of the cold, Liam had his 9 month doctor appointment yesterday and he had to get a shot and a heel stick. I guess because he wasn't feeling well, this was by far the worst shot experience for him. He cried and cried...usually it would last about a minute, but not this time...it broke my heart to see the tears flow too because Liam never let's them flow unless it is something serious. But, on a lighter note, other than having a head cold, he is otherwise very healthy! Growing right on track...19 pounds, 28 inches and still has a big head! haha! And even though he was overcoming, he was still all smiles (and I secretly loved the extra cuddles I got from him all day)! This was from his Doctor appointment yesterday:

 

So, that is why I was unable to blog yesterday, and had to play catch up today!

Anyways, on to my topic for today...getting back on the healthy train!

I fall off of that train quite a lot, but the important thing is, I am getting back on! I'm ready to shed some weight so I can get back to my pre pregnancy weight and start working towards making a Liam a big brother in the next several months! Many people ask me why I want to get the weight off now just to gain it back, but I want to start at the weight I started at before Liam so I don't have even more to lose after my next baby! I'm only about 12 pounds off, so if I can lose about a pound a week, which is the healthy way, I can start trying in the next 3 months...AHH...That is not far away and I have a lot of work ahead, but I can do it!! I'm going to cut out any sodas (other than my morning coffee, because I got a Keurig for Christmas and will be using it lol) and cut portions and eat low carbs. I'm also going to start juicing soon and try to exercise at least 2-3 times a week...even if it is just a brisk walk with Liam. I'm starting this 100 Burpee challenge with friends from work so that should be fun too! Looking forward to losing weight, toning and getting healthy! :)

Wish me success on this train and any encouraging words are definitely welcome!