When Two Become One

I know I have really not been blogging as much the days, but boy have I been busy! I will try to post more often! :)

Last night, someone submitted a topic to me for discussion and it is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart...my marriage so I had to write about it :) Here is the submission.

"What do you love about your marriage and what do you love most about being married to the love of your life? Tell those who have never been married yet, but hope to one day and give advice about marriage, the pros and cons. Just tell us about the married life."

Being married has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life, but at the same time, I'll be honest, it can be one the hardest things you will ever work at. But, once you find that one that is worth working at it with, you are set for life!

I'm just going to warn you, this is going to be a LONG post. I am going to share our story from the start and we have 8 years of history, so if you make it to the end, you rock! :)

I met Daneil shortly after I moved to Jacksonville back in 2004 at church. It is so crazy how things happened because before I moved to Jacksonville, I was so far into drugs and alcohol and in straight party mode. Living my life how I wanted to and having no purpose. My dad worked here as a Store Manager and one if his Employees (those of you that remember Kevin, he is the Employee...RIP), invited me to come to his youth group one Friday night. I had no friends in Jax and nothing to do, so I thought, why not? The day came that I was supposed to go and I almost backed out, but my mom said "go, I have a good feeling about this...what have you got to lose"...that was the best advice she gave me, because I went, gave my life to God that night and it was the start of the rest of my life. I still feel like Kevin was an Angel sent by God to save me...he is in Heaven now enjoying his reward and dancing with the Angels, but looking back and watching how God set it all up, still amazes me.

The first time I saw Daneil, he was on a pink kiddie car thing riding around the church...being an immature 17 year old boy...I thought to myself, "wow, what a loser"...but as I continued to hang out with him, we became best friends...and one night, over a bonfire, I found out he was 17 and I was 18 and that was close enough for me! I remember coming home one night from church and laying on my mom's bed with her and my brother and I didn't even know Daneil's name so I called him the "drummer boy" because he plays drums at our church. I told them, and I quote "I don't know what it is about him, but I'm going to marry that drummer boy one day". Little did I know, I was prophesying over my own life! :) We continued hanging out and were pretty much inseparable from that point on and one day as he was telling me about these girls flirting with him, I decided I had to tell him how I felt about him because I was falling for him and the moment I told him he was in shock and said he thought I was way out of his league and would never go for him. We started dating back in December 2004 and he asked me to marry him on his birthday in November 2007 while we were at my parent's house. We got married in June 2008 and we had a small, simple wedding, but it was beautiful!

Now, onto the actual topic...marriage...I won't lie to you, the first two years of our marriage were the hardest. There was a lot of attacks on our marriage and we went through some very hard times that a lot of people hopefully never have to go through in their marriage. In 2010, I was ready to walk away and throw in the towel, but every time I would try, my heart wouldn't let me. Another thing that kept me fighting was the fight I saw in my husband. He told me, "when he said "I do" I meant it" and he was not going to let us fall apart. We made a pact when we first got married that Divorce was not a part of our vocabulary. It took a lot of fight, a lot of forgiving, a lot of tears, a lot of counseling and putting God back as first priority in our marriage, but we came out on top and stronger than we were before. I have shared this at our Ladies meeting and with a few friends, but I got to the point where I had to realize...Daneil is not perfect...but he is MY perfect and I wouldn't want to share my life with anyone else.

Today, we are the parents of a beautiful baby boy and have become closer than ever and formed a bond that no man can separate. God continues to be put first and we work very hard at keeping things fresh and keeping that "chase" going. One piece of advice I would give newlyweds is to never stop the chase. Once you get married, keep yourself up, dress up from time to time just because and want to look nice for your man or woman. Just because you are married doesn't mean you don't have to try anymore...keep him/her wanting more of you! :)

To those of you that have yet to meet your prince charming/your princess or to get married...DON'T SETTLE! God has your Prince/Princess out there and is preparing him/her for you, and if you wait on him/her, you will not have a statistical marriage...you will have a love story that never ends! Don't rush it...you have plenty of time to be married...enjoy where you are now...whatever season that may be...it is just that; a season! Enjoy every piece of the puzzle that God has made for your life. Before you know it, that season will be over and I know it may sound crazy, but you will miss it one day.

Marriage is not a fairy tale...it isn't how they portray it in the movies...sometimes it is hard; really hard...a lot of the time, it is so amazing but when you share it with the one that God created for you, at the end of the day, they are worth every moment...your hard times will make you stronger...your good times will remind you of why you fell in love with them in the first place and if you both put your whole heart into it, you will never be shaken!

I thank God for Daneil every day...He has my heart, always and I am devoted to him and our marriage. What God put together, let NO MAN separate!

I love you, Daneil Hinds, and I thank you for being the man of my dreams, for loving me no matter what and for never giving up the fight for us. You are the strongest man I know and I am honored to call you my Husband! :) I wouldn't want to grow old with anyone else!

Our First KISS after the "I do"

Back in 2010 after one of the hardest times in our marriage

This picture represents SO MUCH today...the ribbon tying are hands together was BLUE...2 years before out little miracle was born! :)

Love this one! :)



Confident Momma

There was a shift in my life this weekend...and it was good! :)

I can't really put my finger on exactly what it was, but something is different. God convicted my heart this weekend on some areas in my life that I have been slacking in and although since I found out I was having Liam, I have been really excited to be a mom and loving him with my whole heart, it wasn't until this weekend that I actually "felt" like a mom to him and a new confidence just swept over me. I want to do this right! I want to raise my son loving God with everything that He is and I have to be that example to Him. Not that I have been doing a horrible job in this area, but I could have been doing better. So, last night we started a new routine. We feed Liam his last solids and a bottle, bathe him, take him to his room with lullaby's playing and either oil him down or lotion him down to relax him. Put him in his pj's, read a book and say a prayer together with Daneil and I. I know it sounds corny, but the whole process was just beautiful. Daneil and I do a really great job teaming up together and because he is such a great dad, I found that I was feeling insecure in my parenting and pulling away, letting him do most of the work instead of recognizing my weaknesses and working on them. So, this weekend I tried being more hands on and doing things myself and it worked well.

Then, last night, as we worked together to bathe him, I got him all ready for bed and then we all 3 sat together and had story time and said a bedtime prayer and Liam was so relaxed. He only slept in his crib for about 45 minutes before waking up screaming twice in a 15 minute time span, so we decided to bring him in our room in his pack-n-play and he slept the rest of the evening and was still snoozing this morning when I left. We will keep trying and we will get there!

This new found confidence of being a momma is great and I just finally feel like it is all sinking in for me. I am Liam's mother and there is no one that could be a mother to him better than I can because God gave him to me and entrusted his life with me, so it is my job to be the best I can be and raise him up in the ways of God. I know there will be times I fail and will be times that I don't feel so confident, but God gave me a scripture to lean on in those moments as I was laying in bed last night thanking Him for all I have in my life and when the enemy tries to come in and tell me different, I can remind him...It is written! :)

This brings me to one of the topics submitted that I wanted to write about today. Humility in hard times!

In my situation, I basically had to get over myself and stop feeling sorry for myself because I felt like I was "failing" at the whole motherhood thing! It was time to humble myself.

Humbling yourself, to me, means that you are willing to put others ahead of yourself. Not building your self up...especially at the expense of others and being willing to do things for people without expecting anything in return.

I had to come to a place where I acknowledged my weaknesses as a mother as well as my strengths and stop dwelling on only the weaknesses. Once I began to look at the things I'm really good at as a mom, the confidence just began to grow and still is. I read this quote recently and it really touched my heart. "True humility, is having an accurate perception of your weaknesses and your strengths, and keeping both in perspective."

Another way to look at this is Without God we can do nothing and with Him, anything is possible. If we are not trying to do things in our own strength and we leave it in God's hands and follow his leading, we are humbling ourselves, or having humility.

For example, if you are dealing with have a bad attitude towards God, or family or friends for that matter...you have to humble yourself and recognize that you do have weaknesses and hand those weaknesses over to God so that He can turn them into strengths and give you the wisdom to get through that situation. Anytime we humble ourselves before God, He will not fail us...we just have to be willing to let Him do His work in us.

Back to my story...I felt like I was not doing a good job parenting and I humbled myself before God, cried out to Him and laid it at His feet. He has given me new ways and ideas to bond with Liam and continue to feel more confident as a mom. I am so excited and refreshed about what He is going to do with me in this area and by the grace of God, I will continue to live in humility so that I am always allowing Christ to strengthen me and transform me into who He has called me to be. The choice is ours to be arrogant and stagnant or humble ourselves and flourish! :)

Fall Cleaning

So, I'm back to the daily grind after a few days out in the country with family. I wasn't able to blog because when I say my parents live in the middle of no where, I mean we maybe saw 6 people (other than family) within a 10 mile radius of their house the 4 days we were there! The closest gas station was 8 miles away and grocery store was 15 miles away. Needless to say, Internet was very scarce so I wasn't able to get on to write.

We had a great time! Got to break in Daneil's new gun and shoot some other guns my parents have, and I actually really enjoyed shooting! Daneil is already having me get my concealed weapons permit, but I have never really been a fan of guns until I played with some this weekend! Now, I am looking forward to learning more about them. I got to see both of my brothers and my sister and nieces on Saturday, which was lovely to be all together and laugh and catch up again! Daneil and I went on a lot of adventures around my parent's house looking for deer, wild boar, bob cats, bears...we pretty much wanted to see anything...we heard lots of scary noises that ran us back inside, but never saw anything other than some fresh prints in the dirt road. My parents took us to Lake McCormick and some other Lake (I forgot the name) and we took Liam with us to see and it was beautiful! Ate a lot of good food and had fried okra twice! My mom makes the BEST homemade fried okra and that is my all time favorite food! They live in a beautiful brand new house with so much space and it made me that much more excited to get in a bigger place in a couple of months...I am so over being crammed in our little apartment!

We came home yesterday and of course the weekend went by way too fast. As soon as we got home last night, I unpacked and got things ready to come back to work today and was in bed early, which was good since we were up a lot last night with Liam. Our apartment is so unorganized and it is really bothering me so tonight while Daneil and Liam are at church, I'm taking some time to myself to organize some things. I am feeling very overwhelmed and our lease is up in November, so we have got to get organized before then so we can move and have a clean start. I am going to go through and get rid of Liam's newborn clothes (well, not get rid of them, but put them away and pull out all his big boy clothes) and go through my closet to get rid of stuff I no longer need or wear. Then, I have to tackle the 4 or 5 loads of clean clothes that have been sitting in Liam's room for a while (don't judge, I have been busy lol) and get them put away once and for all. So, yea...feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that needs to be done and just needing some time to myself, alone, to get in the zone and get it done and then maybe get in a cat nap (not likely, but a girl can dream)...so, tonight is the night!

I have been slacking on eating healthy and exercising with all the traveling we have been doing, but we are done with that for a while...so on Payday Friday we will be stocking up on healthy foods for the house and Monday I am starting Insanity again and going to do my best to stick to it for 60 days! Thank God that even with my slacking I lost a pound, so here's to hoping it will continue in that direction in the next few weeks and months!

I'm out of vacation mode and onto organization mode! When I feel like my house is messy, I feel like my whole world is messy and it makes me so stressed, and I'm too blessed to be stressed! I can't really get it to my standards of organized because it is so small where we live, but I just keep reminding myself in 2 months we will be in a bigger place, with room to put things away so my life doesn't feel so cluttered all the time so now is the time to prepare!

Liam is still waking up a lot at night so the broken sleep is really catching up to me and I am feeling exhausted! We are transitioning to his crib tonight and trying a new bedtime routine, so wish us luck that we will get some more sleep and uninterrupted sleep at that! We both need it since we feel like zombies these days!

I'm not going to write about any specific topic today because I think I've said enough with my venting on being overwhelmed, tired and ready to get things back on track in all areas of our life! I am motivated and Daneil is on board with me so together we will get there! Tomorrow I will write about a topic that was submitted...until then, keep them coming and happy reading! :)

Balance

Life has been crazy busy the past few days so I have been a slacker! Ever since Liam stayed with his grandparents last weekend, he will not sleep through the night. He will barely stay in his pack and play and only sleeps if he is in bed with us. We were going to transition him to his crib 2 nights ago, but we couldn't get the baby monitor working right, so yea...that makes for two tired parents! lol We will have to buy a new monitor soon so we can get him transitioned ASAP because I do not want a baby in the bed with us! lol

Today after work, we are leaving to go visit my parents and I couldn't be more excited. They haven't seen Liam since he was about 3 weeks old, so I can't wait for them to see how much he has grown and see his little personality. Plus, my brother who was in jail over a year, just got out and it will be his first time meeting Liam and the first time all of us siblings have been together in years! My parents live in the country in FL about an hour from PCB so we will be doing the country living thing and riding 4 wheelers, going shooting, eating some good southern cooking,  fishing and just hanging out. We may go to PCB to the beach one day...but we will see! I took Monday and Tuesday off so it will be a nice long weekend and I am so looking forward to being with my crazy family and relaxing! I will try to blog while I am away, but my laptop at home is down at the moment, so if I can get to a computer, I will make it happen :)

I had a couple of people submit a similar topic to me on balance, so I wanted to write about that today. Here was one of the submissions:

"What is it like balancing work, motherhood, wifehood (this was her made  up word and I love it... lol) while spending intimate time with God and tips on how to balance life?"

I am honestly still trying to learn the whole balance thing. Especially being a new mom and still trying to keep up with my husband, work, my house, church, friends, etc...it is tough! I feel overwhelmed sometimes and like there are not enough hours in the day. I have had to sit back and re-prioritize a lot of things in my life. Do I miss hanging with my friends every chance I get? I definitely do...do I miss having a clean house? More than anything, but I married Daneil so I had to give up on that a while ago haha! Do I miss date nights more than once in a blue moon? Very much so...but I am only one person and I can't clone myself unfortunately, so I do what I can in each area. Someone at work recently told me, "you do not need to define yourself as a "mom" but as a child of the King." Great advice! That is my first priority. My husband is my next priority and keeping the spice up in our marriage...it is definitely not easy sometimes with a baby, but we make it work and actually do a really good job at keeping things fresh...after 8 years together that man still gives me butterflies. Liam is a huge priority in my life and it is my job to protect him, provide for him and be the best mom I can be to him. If that means missing out on fun times sometimes, then, so be it...it's all a part of the job and he is worth it. :)

It has been really difficult to get used to this new role, especially when I don't have many people close to me that can relate, but God has really given me the wisdom I needed to re-prioritize....learn that I don't have to excuse myself, feel bad, or apologize for being a mom. It is what I am now and life has to change. People around have to adapt to the new Jess...and those that are worth it, will still be there!

Changing my perspective and way of thinking has really helped me along the way. Like I said, I am definitely still working on this all, but I am taking the steps, trusting God and getting better at it every day! :)

Hardest Thing to do as a Leader

Well, I have missed blogging the past few days, but really enjoyed my time away with my family and friends!


Savannah was amazing and we had a really good time :) The food was out of this world and the history behind it was just so cool to learn about!! It was really hot and we got a little dehydrated, but it was definitely a fun time! I will definitely be going again some day! Liam will love it when he gets older! Here are a few of the pictures:


This was downtown Savannah...it was breathtaking!                                                                                                                                                                                  

This was before we went out to dinner Saturday:



 This was a view of where we parked....loved it! :)


This was a view of the candy shop we went to...they were making fresh taffy! :)




Today I'm answering one of the questions that was submitted to me:What was the hardest thing you had to do when becoming a leader?

When I was becoming a leader in the youth group, the hardest thing for me would have to be feeling like you have to be perfect for the world. I know, we aren't supposed to put on a mask or be something we aren't, but when you are a a leader, there are times you may be going through something in life and you have to put it on the shelf and walk through the doors and continue to give out even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. You have to be there for those people that look up to you and  encourage them in their times of weakness. It is hard sometimes to do that, especially if you are going through your own things, but God gives you the strength to get through it all and it makes you stronger in the end and usually speaks to you about your own life even as you encourage and minister to others. 

I had to come to a place in my life where it wasn't about the title of a "leader"...it wasn't about having it all together and being "perfect"....it was about living a life as God would call a leader to live, whether the title was there or not and being who you are in His presence. Laying it all at His feet and staying faithful! I have come such a long way from my first days as a leader and I wouldn't take any of it back...It made me who I am today and I am honored to have anyone want to follow the life I live... I do my best to live a life that others can follow.